Angela's Story
A Survivor’s Story:
My Journey Beyond Abuse & Reclaiming My Voice
I’m not just a victim – I’m a survivor, a woman reclaiming her voice. When I first discovered that my partner was attending Crossroads, I felt as though it was little more than a tick-box exercise, that he was doing it because he had to, not because he truly wanted to change. Before social services got involved, he knew about strength to change, but he wasn’t interested. It was only when the police stepped in that he finally acted.
Initial Reactions to Change
I have noticed changes in him. He seems calmer than he used to be. There have been moments where he’s actually been pleasant. Before, if he stubbed his toe, he’d snap if you asked if he was all right. Now, sometimes, he’s more civil. He still gets moody sometimes. Like when I drop the kids off, he might answer the door nicely, but other times he’s abrupt and I find myself walking on eggshells, so I keep conversations about the children as brief as possible. The unpredictability is still there. Maybe that’s partly down to the damage abuse does to you as a person. You expect the worst at times, you expect the person they were before Crossroads to re-emerge.
Growing Confidence
But something deeper has changed in me. I feel safer now, but that safety is as much about my own growing confidence as it is about any shift in him. For years, I let people walk over me, said nothing. Now, when someone crosses a line, I speak up. My voice was lost during our relationship, but since we split up and he started Crossroads, I’m reclaiming who I am. I’m not fully healed, I’m still in therapy, confronting lifelong trauma from growing up in an abusive home. But starting therapy was a step towards healing, and I’m grateful for my therapist’s support.
Impact on My Children
As for my children, I hear things are changing. They say he’s less stressed around them, plays more, actually takes them out sometimes. Before, that was all down to me. My youngest’s speech has improved since I left. But it’s not all simple, my seven-year-old hates seeing her dad, she wants to stay with me, I’m her safe place. Sometimes she says she wants to go, but when the time comes, she doesn’t. It shows the long-term damage situations like these cause in your children, it takes time for that trust needs to be rebuilt.
Accountability
True accountability, for me, means owning up to what you’ve done. Real change would mean acknowledging your wrongs, making them right, and learning from your mistakes. He’s trying to be a more involved father, but I remain the sole provider. Sometimes it feels like I’m sending my children to a babysitter rather than to their dad, full responsibility is still something he needs to embrace. Looking back, I wish he’d realised the damage sooner and taken action to change before social services forced his hand. Maybe things could have been different for the children and me.
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The Burden on Women
Living through this, I’ve realised how much women are expected to shoulder. Social services pressure us to safeguard the children, to attend parenting courses even when our parenting is sound. It often feels like everything falls on us. I’ve lost friendships because people believed him over me. People see you as a victim, but I am a survivor too.
Recovery
Through it all, I’ve learnt that leaving doesn’t instantly end the anxiety. There’s always the fear that the abuse could start again, that men won’t truly take accountability or will simply blame you. But I’m building myself back up. I have a voice again, and I’m using it – for myself, and for my children.
A Call for Change
Creating meaningful change matters. We need more conversations like this, more visibility about the issue, posters in workplaces, in stations, in public toilets, a message that real change is possible, and survivors can reclaim their lives. I want women to know they’re not alone, and you’re stronger than you think.
If you recognise yourself or somebody you know in Angela’s story, help and support is available. Call the freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 or visit www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk If you are in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police. If you can’t speak, press 55 on your mobile or remain silent on your landline while the operator is on the line.
The Better Man Movement ©
Based on real accounts of women survivors of domestic abuse.