Helen's Story
Survivor Stories
A Woman's Perspective on Male Accountability, Healing & Hope
When I first heard that my partner was attending Crossroads, I didn’t know what to feel. Was it hope, relief, or just another empty promise? For so long, change had seemed out of reach. Living with him meant living on edge, always ready for the next explosion, always watching every word and action.
Facing the Reality of Change
When I first heard that my partner was attending Crossroads, I didn’t know what to feel. Was it hope, relief, or just another empty promise? For so long, change had seemed out of reach. Living with him meant living on edge, always ready for the next explosion, always watching every word and action.
The Impact on My Children
The change isn’t just in how I feel, our kids notice it too. He doesn’t swear at them anymore. When they want something and we don’t have the money, he’s able to say no without flying into a rage. Before, these everyday situations could set off a storm of anger. My children used to expect their dad to get mad or shout over nothing. Now he just explains things, you can see their relationship has got better. There’s more calm in the house.
Accountability
Accountability, to me, is more than just saying sorry. It’s about owning up to your actions, looking inside yourself, and admitting ‘what I have done is wrong’. Crossroads has helped him see things from my perspective, to hold himself responsible for his behaviour, something the justice system alone never could achieve.
Real Change only
True change would mean feeling genuinely safe, not constantly wondering if he’s going to lose his temper. It would mean not living to please him just to keep the peace. I want him to reach a point where the ‘new him’ isn’t just a phase, but who he truly is, where his drug use is behind him and he’s no longer the man who frightened me and our children.
If Only Change Happened Sooner
I often wish he’d worked on his temper, his drug use, and his behaviour much earlier. If he had, maybe we wouldn’t carry so many bad memories, maybe our relationship wouldn’t need to be rebuilt from the ground up.
Exploring Our Stories
We created a character in our group, a woman shaped by fear, hope, and determination. Inside, she’s weighed down by worry, outside she faces pressure from all sides - relationships, social services, and the way others see her. She believes men must take real responsibility for their actions, no excuses. She sees glimpses of change in her partner but fears the old patterns returning. Deep down, she knows she deserves safety and a normal life free from anger. Every woman deserves that.
What Men Need to Hear
If I could tell men one thing, it’s that you need to see what you’re doing to the person you love. Accountability isn’t just about saying sorry. It’s about stopping the abuse, taking ownership, and making real changes in your life. For my partner, nothing made him stop and think until Crossroads. Now he stops and thinks before he reacts. He’s a much calmer person. His turning point came when he admitted where he had got things wrong. Healing feels like a weight, lifting off you, being free to breathe, speak, and feel calm at home.
Final Reflections
I can’t get across enough the importance of real accountability. I had heard ‘sorry’ too many times. I just wanted it to stop. I believe men who’ve caused harm to women or children should take responsibility. Change is possible, but only if you mean it. Look at your life and ask yourself if you want to lose the people you love, don’t let it come to that before you act. Crossroads made an immense impact on my partner and its made us a better family unit. I think services working with men need to keep going. They’re making a difference, doing an amazing job, really. This is my story, but it’s also the story of many women. Healing and hope are possible. But change has to be real. It all starts with accountability, having the courage to say, and mean, ‘enough’. When men use their power to protect, respect and support women, the world becomes a better place, a safer place for women and children.
If you recognise yourself or somebody you know in Helen’s story, help and support is available. Call the freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 or visit www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk If you are in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police. If you can’t speak, press 55 on your mobile or remain silent on your landline while the operator is on the line.