Edward's Story
From pain to power, how confronting my past inspired me to change
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Inspiring men to change
I never imagined I’d find myself sitting in a group, talking openly about my behaviour, my relationships, or the pain I caused. I am grateful for the chance to share my story and I hope it encourages other men to ask for help. I want this campaign to raise awareness, spark conversation and inspire men to change.
Looking in the mirror
My journey to the Crossroads programme began with a difficult realisation. I had suffered abuse in a past relationship. When that relationship ended, I didn’t escape the cycle, I repeated it. I mirrored the same patterns, becoming the abuser in my next relationship. I almost lost my partner because of my drinking and abusive behaviour.
Realising I could have lost the person I love the most in the world forced me to reflect on my actions and the path of destruction I was on. At first, I justified my behaviour. Admitting I was repeating harmful patterns was hard. I was drinking excessively to drown out my feelings, but it was like pouring fuel on a fire. Looking back, it all seems so mad! What was I thinking?
Crossroads helped me understand that I can only change myself. I have power only over my own actions, and there is no excuse for domestic abuse in any form. The more carnage I caused, the stronger my urge to change became, but so did the fear of what people would think of me. I didn’t want to be seen as a bad person. I started to wonder about my where my life was heading and I really wanted it to be different. So I decided to take the help when it was offered. That’s where Crossroads come in.
Learning to be present
Before Crossroads, I didn’t trust anyone. I neglected myself, lived with self-doubt, used alcohol to block out reality, and let negative thoughts rule my life. Social services felt like a threat, not a support. My relationships suffered. I was stuck in a rut, missing out on life. Crossroads changed all that.
The course gave me the tools to be more present, to recognise my thoughts, feelings, and triggers. Some people take more from the group than others, but for me, hearing others’ stories was a massive relief. Knowing I wasn’t the only one, that others were rebuilding their lives too, it made me feel less isolated.
Group work was important, seven men, all sharing, listening, and learning from each other. Mindfulness was a powerful tool, helping me slow down, focus, and deal with life’s chaos. Now, when I’m overwhelmed, I use the techniques I learned at Crossroads at home, breathing through uncomfortable emotions instead of reaching for a drink.
Owning My Actions
In the past, I numbed my feelings with alcohol. Instead of avoiding emotions, Crossroads helped me confront them, understand their causes, and become more self-aware. Self-care wasn’t something I ever prioritised before, now it’s a big part of my life.
Accountability means taking responsibility for how you act in every situation. I still slip up sometimes, I might say something I regret, but now I apologise. I accept my mistakes and own them. My partner has noticed the change. We laugh more. She trusts me enough to let our son stay overnight, and though she doesn’t always say it, she sees the difference in me.
I used to believe my problems were everyone else’s fault. I projected my pain onto those around me. Crossroads helped me see that it’s my issue, not theirs. Before the course, I was stuck in negativity and loneliness. Self-reflection and accountability have helped me accept the past and my role in it. Now my focus is on moving forward and being a decent partner to my girlfriend.
Positivity and hope
If I ever witness harmful behaviour in public, I try to educate, not judge. Sometimes stepping in isn’t safe, but when I can, I’ll try to help. Group discussions at Crossroads reinforced the power of positive self-talk and self-care. I hope that by sharing my experiences, I can raise awareness and help other men feel less alone.
Guilt can be a powerful motivator but only if we believe we can overcome it. That’s why messages of hope are so important. Life can be better, and relationships can be rebuilt.
I’m more in tune with my mind and body now than ever before. I recognise my choices, and I know it’s up to me to find positive solutions. I feel more confident, my relationships are stronger and I genuinely feel listened to. For the first time, I feel like I belong. Services are no longer something to fear, I get that they can help you and if you take it you can start to restore what you have broken. I almost lost my kids because of my alcohol use and abusive behaviour but I found the strength to change and now I am rewriting my story. I am there for my partner, I have rebuilt trust and I am becoming a better man.
My message to other men
One message I really want men to hear is to give yourself a chance. Step out of your comfort zone, that’s where real change begins. Growth only happens when we accept the past and make the effort to change. Instead of being defensive or in denial, you can get support to help you make the changes you need to make, changes that lead to a much happier family life – the life you always think about. The world does care and help is out there if you really want it.
In the future I want to share what I’ve learned, maybe even speak in schools or assemblies, to raise awareness about abusive behaviour and healthy relationships. Prevention will always be better than the cure.
Your past doesn't define your future
My story is proof that people can and do change. We’re not alone, and our past doesn’t have to define our future. All it takes is the courage to give yourself a chance. There is no shame in wanting to become a better person, a better man, and better men make the world a safer place for women.